When I submitted my life to Jesus, I did a holy house-cleaning:

• Ditched my non-Christian friends (thank GOD they have since allowed me back into their lives)
• Quit the bar scene
• Cleaned up my language
• Changed the music I listened to

I can easily recall the day I changed my ring tone from Pearl Jam - Yellow Ledbetter (what a jam!) to Enough - Chris Tomlin. The lyrics to the chorus are beautiful:

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

Three years and many ring tones later (currently rockin’ the theme to The Office), I question how many of those lyrics I actually believe.

You see, I BELIEVE that God is more than enough for me, but I don’t FEEL like God is more than enough for me.

This is precisely why my breakup with Tiff has been tougher on me than it should have been. I put a weight on her that she was never intended to carry (Matt Chandler quote). I counted on her to be my ultimate joy, my ultimate love, my ultimate fan…my ultimate.

That’s God’s role…not a girl’s.

But the concept of God being my ultimate is still a bit foreign to me.

So now I pray daily (in so many words):

God, I believe that you are more than enough for me, but I don’t feel it. Would you show me how true it actually is. YOU are my biggest fan. YOU love me more than ANY girl ever can/will. YOU are proud of me. You REALLY ARE all I need. I know that you love me, but I don’t know what that actually feels like. I struggle loving you as much as I should. I look at you as a disciplinarian whose only job in life is to correct me when I’m wrong. Would you teach me to love you more and show me who you REALLY are.

Like I said, I struggle even saying that he’s all I need, but I’m trusting that God is a big God who can change a simple dude like myself.

Yes, I’m very open, honest, and real in my prayers. Why wouldn’t I be? He already knows how I REALLY feel.

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Perhaps this won’t be my most popular blog post ever, but here’s what’s been on my heart and mind as of late (if you care):

• I’m currently learning a very important lesson: every circumstance is what I make it.
• I have the the option and the ability to choose how I view and react to every circumstance.

The ball doesn’t always bounce in the direction that I expect (or want) it to. In James, the author writes, “WHENEVER (not if) trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for JOY. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to GROW. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be ready for ANYTHING.”

That’s awesome - ready for ANYTHING! Being joyous in times of trouble is SO opposite of how we’re trained to react, isn’t it? I’m learning that it IS possible, and that it DOES grow me. It’s quite the experience and a bit mind-bottling (Blades of Glory).

In Philippians 3:13, Paul writes, “I am focusing ALL my energies on this ONE thing: FORGETTING THE PAST and looking forward to what lies ahead.” In 4:6 he says, “Don’t worry about ANYTHING; instead, pray about EVERYTHING. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. IF YOU DO THIS you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand.”

I have a tendency to live in the past. I dissect and dissect, lose sleep and have bad diarrhea (TMI?):

• What could I have done differently?
• What did I do wrong?
• Why am I so selfish?
• Why can’t I get it right?

Paul instructs me to FORGET about the past and look FORWARD! Tough, isn’t it? I’m claiming God’s promises that he wants to give me his ABSOLUTE BEST in life, and that, my friend, is freakin’ exciting!

Also, I can only control the decisions that I make. Therefore, there’s no reason for me to get all up in arms over other peoples’ decisions.

Every Christian knows that God can give us “a peace that passes all understanding.” But I just noticed that there are three stipulations:

1. Don’t worry
2. Pray
3. Tell God what I need

THEN God will give me that peace - cool! I also find it interesting that we’re COMMANDED not to worry. Also cool!

Lastly, verses 8-9 of chapter 4 are my favorite: “Fix your thoughts on what is TRUE and HONORABLE and RIGHT. Think about things that are PURE and LOVELY and ADMIRABLE. Think about things that are EXCELLENT and WORTHY OF PRAISE. Keep putting into practice ALL you have learned from me and heard from me and saw me doing, and the God of peace will be with you.”

Thoughts are very very powerful and have the ability to change how we act/react.

Sry if that’s boring to you, but I’m fired up! Just a glimpse into my life

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Part of a heated discussion I had with an older coworker today:

Upon finding out that I’m studying to become a Physician Assistant, my never-shy colleague interrupted: “I never see PAs. I’m paying good money for that visit and the last thing I want is some nurse or PA to diagnose me. If I get stuck with a PA I ALWAYS ask for the doctor.”

I was quick to respond: “Well, you might not have to worry about me ever seeing as there is a good chance that I’ll end up working overseas in some sort of [free?] missionary clinic.”

The next 15-20 minutes were dedicated to my coworker telling me that I’m wrong for wanting to work in a overseas missions clinic when there are plenty of needy people right here in the United States.

She wasn’t quite sure what to say when I challenged her with this: “Well, how about this: while you’re busy helping the needy in THIS country (intentionally calling her out for NOT), I’ll help another country. That way we’ll be doubly effective!”

“I’ve been to Mexico! I’ve seen the slums of Costa Rica! I’ve seen the world’s needs,” she pleaded. I couldn’t help but chuckle as her comments reminded me of the clearly racist person who says, “I’m not a racist! I gave a speech on MLK in the 6th grade!”

“The United States doesn’t care about [some poor country] because there is no financial gain us,” she continued to argue.

“Well,” I responded, “fortunately we aren’t limited to caring about only the things/places that the United States cares about. We are free to give our time and money to any cause we find worthy.

“We should help our own country first,” she commented.

“I disagree. What makes us more valuable than people in other countries? What makes my life more important than that of the person in Kenya?”

We finally agreed to disagree. I ended the conversation thanking her for her comments. Just as the embrace of our hug was released, she got the last word:

“You’re young. You just don’t understand politics or our world.”

I remained silent and smiled.

(also posted at the eBay atheist)

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Lord, I pray against the easy way; that I may be forced to rely on you throughout the challenge of the difficult road, the one less taken. I pray that I will grow to know you more and trust that you love me and want what’s best for me.

Please forgive me as I so often love to assume that I am smarter than you and act out of my own flawed intellect. I have a natural inclination to lean towards the easy way.

How great it will be to smile with joy in response to ANY situation that I might encounter as I prepare to be molded and shaped into your planned perfection.

Please forgive me as I tend to worry, overreact, question your presence, and become emotional.

I trust that you are my provider and the only and best comfort that I need.

Please forgive me as I tend to seek comfort in things/people of this world.

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I don’t get very excited when I think about heaven. Sometimes I actually get a little sad.

I love life on Earth.

I love succeeding and I love failing.

I love learning and I love teaching.

I love challenges and obstacles and I love overcoming them.

When I think about heaven, I envision a huge pipe organ, Birkenstock sandals, fluffy clouds, and little naked cupid angels.

I know I’m way off base, and I pray that God would drastically change the way I think.

Still though, there’s something so sweet about being an imperfect human, isn’t there?

There’s something so sweet about failing, picking yourself up and trying again…

And human emotion can be so incredibly warming to the soul.

What a great feeling it is to fall in love…

To watch someone grow up…

To watch them succeed…

And I hope there’s food in Heaven. Man, how I love to eat.

(written by Bill, not hoverFrog - working to fix this author issue)

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Hey friends!

Check out my post on the eBay atheist site.

I hope you’re all doing great!

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It’s true - I wear my “cranky pants” from time to time. I don’t like to admit it, nor do I like to allow it, but I do have my cranky days just like you do.

It is my hope and my prayer that I am never defined by a bitter, angry, negative attitude.

A person cannot call herself a follower of Christ, the ultimate representation of love, and not love her brother/sister. It’s oxymoronic…like a jumbo shrimp…or a winning Detroit Lions team.

Our worldly circumstances are minor when we have a big picture perspective. Life isn’t that bad. It’s quite good, actually.

If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. 1 John 4:20

…and in the words of the great theologians dc Talk, love is a verb.

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When the going gets tough it is so flippin’ easy to ask:

• Did I hear God right?
• Do I have what it takes?
• Am I even capable of doing this?
• “Do you have the right person, God?”
• “I thought I heard from you, God. Did you forget about me?”

And I am sure that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work, until it is finally finished. Philippians 1:6

1. God began the work.
2. The work is good.
3. He will continue HIS work.
4. He will finish what he started.

I hope that’s as encouraging to you as it is to me.

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Not 15 minutes after I posted “A New Chapter Begins,” I felt the need to add & clarify.

Instead of finding peace in my faith, I am finding guilt (I do that waaaaay too much). Let me explain by example. Here is what goes through my head:

• If you really trusted God, you wouldn’t feel nervous.
• If you were a real Christian, you’d trust that God knows what he’s doing.
• If you were a real Christian, you would have already healed up and moved on.
• If you were a real Christian, you would fill the huge void in your life with nothing but God.

I know I’m allowed to hurt, be confused (and nervous?), and unsure, but I also know that I’m supposed to be claiming and LIVING the promises of God…easier said than done. How long am I allowed to be shaken up before I need to be back on track, focused and ready to rock? Jesus wept, but for how long? And not that I’m weeping, but I’d love to be able to function at 100% again.

I’m but a man…I hurt, I don’t always know where to turn (”turn to God,” they say…as if some generic Christian comment makes everything better), and sometimes it takes me a while to get my feet back on the ground.

But I feel like I should already be there…and I’m not.

I know I’m too hard on myself, I know I am being fed lies from the enemy, and I know that I’m doing much better than I would have in the past.

I’m a work in progress who ALWAYS wishes he was one step ahead of where he currently is.

Again, I really am excited about where God has me, and I’m sure that he’s teaching me a whole lot right now. I just hate the way that I feel and based on past experience, when I feel this way it’s because something isn’t right. I could go on and on, but I’m sure I’ve said more that I need to already.

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Almost a month ago, Tiffany and I broke up. Without getting into all the details, over the past [nearly] 2.5 years we always said that we trusted that God would give us a peace that passed all understanding if he wanted us to go our separate ways. That peace came and we made a mutual, peaceful, and prayerful decision to obey.

I can easily (but painfully) recall the worst time of my life. I was making decisions that I knew I shouldn’t have been and I knew it was just a matter of time before those decisions came back to bite me in the butt. My body wasn’t functioning correctly. I couldn’t sleep. I barely ate. Most stressful of all, though, was this constant feeling of nervousness and shame that I felt. No matter where I went/what I did, I always felt like something was wrong. The feeling is back and I am currently not able to shake it.

I pray, oh I pray.
I try to stay occupied.
I trust God. I’m sure that I finally do.
I’m at peace with the breakup.
I know she’s happy (which makes me happy).
I claim God’s promises.

Yet I live each moment as if something is wrong. Literally every second of the day I feel like something is wrong. I know it’s probably a combination of emotions and a result of such a sudden and drastic change, but I hate the way that I feel…and I can’t help but think that there is more to it.

My motivation is nearly gone. It’s effecting school, relationships, and the things most important in my life.

Although my life didn’t revolve around Tiffany, my plans for the future included her, as I know hers included me. I still feel confident about our decision to break up, but I feel as if something isn’t right. Why can’t I find my motivation? I need it! I’m half way through my first semester as a pre-P.A. student - I need the grades!

This is the first time that I’ve ever been scared about a decision that I felt God lead me to make. In the past, whenever I’ve made these tough decisions, I’ve felt excited to see what God was gonna do. And, although I may have been nervous, I was always smiling on the inside, ready to see God be God.

I trust you, God, but why do I still feel like I’m doing/I did something wrong??

Things will get better, I know they will (as they always do).

Tiff, I know you’re gonna read this: please don’t think that this is some lame attempt to get you to come crawling back. We made this decision together, and I know we’ll stick to it together. I also am willing to bet that you’re feeling quite similar. Almost two and a half years is a long time. We’re basically going through a mini-divorce. Isn’t it cool knowing that we serve a God who has our best interest in mind? I see that Aunt Tracey is in town - make sure to tell her I said hi

Everyone else - I’m not fishing for any sympathy. This, as it always has been, is my venue to write about my journey. This is no more than a new chapter. Here’s to it!

PS - check out an interview that I recently did with my good friend (and FriendlyChristian.com guest author) Nathan. He’s the missionary that I’ve served with on my last two trips.

Five Questions on Short-Term Missions with Bill Cecchini

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